"In every belief is a lie"! Is your mindset set for success? - chat with Lisa Schermerhorn

What is the mindset of success?

We hear a lot of rules and things we should be doing in order to set our minds in a way that would allow success to come to our lives - whatever success may mean to us, but what if everything we've learned was a lie?

What if it was just another program that we think is valuable, but in reality had nothing to do with our inherent truth, or with us as an individual?

Join Magdalena and Lisa as they discuss what it means to become "sovereign with your thoughts" and free yourself from outside programming.  

Transcript

0:00  
Have you ever felt that the path you've chosen to walk on doesn't feel like your own? Do you happen to question your career, relationships, or even feeling like you're fulfilling someone else's dream? Today's chat is one I've been looking forward to for some time now. And it's based on a mind bending book I've read recently called "In every belief is a lie" by Lisa Schermerhorn. Now Lisa's book is a guideline to personal authenticity and getting out of the societal programming we're all exposed to throughout our lives, and introduces an inquisitive set of questions to ask yourself in order to reach your own place of truth, unwavered by other people's beliefs, behaviours, or even opinions. Lisa has over 20 years of experience as a transformational leader. an author of the best selling book in every belief is a lie, which we'll be talking about today, but also a co author of the best seller "business, life, and the universe" volume six, and also a co author of the upcoming "business, life, and the universe" volume 10 with Dr. Joe Vitale. Lisa's book, in every belief is a lie was also endorsed by Dr. Christiane Northrup, free time New York Times bestselling author. So guys, we're in for a treat. Lisa is an expert in the fields of human behaviour, leadership and personal development. She's an award winning speaker and has spoken on multiple stages including emceeing at the Harvard and Columbia universities. She has also spoken in Miami as a featured Blu talks speaker. Now she used to be a VP of Business, which I found super interesting. A business development VP for an innovative startup company using virtual reality to help clients with pain reduction, memory loss and stress reduction. She is a certified hypnotherapist and Master Practitioner of neuro linguistic programming, she helps entrepreneurs and high performers from where they are to where they want to be much, much faster than the conventional coaching methods. She is the co founder of the Centre for next level performance where she trains as a Why coach helping people discover their why and their purpose. But she doesn't only help individuals, she helps business owners discover their why for their business and also teaches them how to use it in their branding. Welcome to habits of influence a podcast by entrepreneurs for entrepreneurs where we discuss The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly sides of entrepreneurship, and where we help you become the person others wish to follow. Lisa, I am super, super excited to have you today. It's such a pleasure. Thank you for being on the show. Oh my gosh, thank you so much. I really appreciate being here. And I'm excited. I'm excited to talk to you about all these.

3:02  
Likewise! Look, when I was reading your book, which I loved by the way, I couldn't help but notice how relevant it is in terms of building influence, becoming a strong leader and standing firm in your beliefs when showing up for others. Now, I wanted to ask your opinion on the importance of doing this work and how essential it is, especially if your role involves impacting other people, to discover your own truth. And you call it in your book sovereignty, which I absolutely love. But I also want to know what potential pitfalls people building a personal brand may encounter if they are unable to pinpoint or stand in that truth.

4:59  
to your business, you bring that passion, you're relatable. Right? When I first started, I have these so called experts helping me with my branding. And they were telling me the right people who I should be marketing to. Well, I discovered later on that I was marketing to the wrong people. Because my Why was very different than the people they were telling me to communicate with. Because our why comes from the part of our brain that's emotional, right? We are passionate about these things in our lives. So that why comes from the limbic part of our brain where all of our emotion comes from, and that's where the purchasing comes from.

3:42  
Well, if and this is no no kind of on on, used car salesman, but I like to use this metaphor. You ever see the people with the perfect teeth and the perfect hair and they're very two different two dimensional. You know, when you're not living in your purpose, and you're not showing up fully as who you are. That's what you're presenting. Years ago when I was studying with my mentor. He had me go through this exercise where I had all of these people in a room. They're about 25 people and he handed me a grapefruit and he said I want you to hide this grapefruit. I want and I'm going to invite all these people in and I don't want anyone to see that grapefruit behind you know, however you're gonna hide it. When the exercise was over. He asked me how much of my energy went into hiding the group grapefruit and how much went into actually listening to what people were saying to me. And I said I couldn't hear a word people were saying and that is what happens when you hide who you are. When you when you don't show up fully and you're always worried about what other people think. And you're you're also we have these gifts. We have these gifts that were brought in

5:42  
Absolutely agree.

5:43  
Absolutely agree. And, you know, obviously, there's, there's a lot of misinformation in the industry of what should and should not be. And I completely agree that rather than sharing specific traits with our audience with our customers, we should focus on the emotional connection or the values that bring us together, because not only is this going to be a have a stronger impact on the people that you're actually helping, but also it is going to be very impactful in terms of spreading the word, right, spreading the message that you have, because if people are connected deeply with what you have to say, and with your transformational message, this is going to impact them in a much more profound way. Which means that they're gonna want to expand on it then when wants to talk about it with others, right?

6:35  
Well, exactly as entrepreneurs, there's a reason why you got into this business, there's, there's something that happened in your life, there's something that's important to you that you want to get that message across. If you speak from your why, and the emotional part of why you do what you do, it's compelling. If you just talk about how, for instance, if you just talk about I sell computers, and my computer does this, this and this, people like okay, there's lots of computers out there. But when you start to talk about your why, and what makes you different and unique and special, and you're tapping into the emotion of someone else, there's a there's a much more compelling reason for someone to want to buy from you.

7:20  
Absolutely, absolutely. There's something in your book that I actually found super interesting in terms of things that we take from our society, from our environment, from even our family, right? So those aspects of societal and even ancestral influences that we are being exposed to. And you're also talking about being authentic right? Finding that truth, that is your truth, and not necessarily is the widely known generalised truth. So what I would like to know, what is your opinion in terms of finding out if our truth, our pursuit of our truth, or not flawed, because obviously, we cannot be objective, right? If we are searching for our own truth, it will always be subjective, for from our point of view, how do we know that this is going to be enough, our truth is going to be enough and it is not going to impact other people in a dangerous way. Because, you know, certain societal norms are there for a reason, right? We are being we are growing in specific cultures, we are being influenced by different things that are presented to us as good or right on the right path. Where do where is that line in between of my chair standing in my truth being impactful in terms of being good for me, myself and people that I speak to? And where is that line that we should not cross?

8:53  
That's interesting. I've never had anyone asked me that question. And I love that question. Thank you, you know, when when we go into. So just to backtrack a little bit to explain, you know, Dr. Bruce Lipton talks about how when we are born, he believes that we are actually programmed from birth until seven years old, I like to think that we have a little bit more leeway around that. But we have these five different brain frequencies that we move in and out of throughout our childhood. And we start out at theta delta, which is this really big wave and think about what a newborn baby has to learn, you know, sounds senses taste language, I mean, it's extraordinary what they have to learn. So those things are programmed at a very deep level, what money means if there was scarcity in your childhood, these come in meta messages through certain languaging that your parents may have or fears that we pick up on. So these programmes this programming comes in. So how do we know what is really ours? And what belongs to other people. And we can inherit ancestral trauma and belief systems with the science called epigenetics. So I've worked with people going back up to 10 generations, where there was trauma in an indigenous tribe where there was so much that happened to them generationally, about having their land stolen from them, and being forced to not use their language and their customs. So how do you get back to your truth when you are programmed, and you are told to be a certain way, and then all of a sudden, I always say, it's like finding your values, I discovered my values by finding out what they weren't. I moved to a town where I discovered that I didn't have the same values, it was all about sports, and athleticism being the priority where I was raised more academically, and I would go to these PTA meetings and school board meetings, and there would be 25 people there. But if you wanted to have an athletic field, you know, and raise a million dollars, the money was always there, but we didn't have enough books for the students. So you know, examples of Oh, wow, you know, this is what I'm dealing with. And it doesn't feel right. It's it's kind of like trial and error describing, and the world creates mirrors for us, people and circumstances that mirror us, that show us where our issues come from, from our wounding. And, and we're very quick to point our fingers at other people and how many fingers are pointing back at us, we have three fingers. When someone triggers me, I look at what is unresolved in me that I need to heal. Now, does that mean I don't ever get upset, of course, I get upset, I get triggered. But as I've gotten older, and as I work more in that, I'm much more observant at what triggers me and said, Okay, this is some unresolved stuff. I'm not saying that because let's say I think it's okay to steal, because that's authentically me. You know, that, you know, I don't I never, I never encourage anyone to do anything that's dangerous, or can harm others. I think that's something we have to really be mindful of ethics, and morals, and doing the right thing and not harming others. But when it comes to our self, our whole life is about learning to love ourselves, learning and self discovery. I still every day do things that scare me, you know, I do things that that in my life, I bring myself to that precipice of how can I challenge myself to get to that next level? What is my true How is my truth going to show up here, because fear masks that. And in the first chapter of my book I talk about I was in a 29 year marriage, and I was terrified to be alone. We both knew that, that things weren't working out. But I didn't have the courage to say I wanted out, I spent an entire week walking Red Hot coals, bending rebar, and, and and, you know, arrows and walking on broken glass to finally have the courage to say if I could do this, I can do anything. So I had to find my truth in this. This marriage wasn't working for me.

13:33  
Hmm, yeah, great story. I would not I would never do that. By the way. I was just wondering, trying to imagine myself as I was going through the book, would I ever tried that? I'd never actually struggled with lack of confidence or not being able to do something. So I am not going to say that I have a complete lack of understanding of that, but I'm not quite sure even if I was struggling with it, would I go and walk on coals and broken glass and do stuff like that? I think there's there's something that would actually stop me. And I think it's not a case of me not being confident. It's a case of me just being very pragmatic, and sometimes a little bit on the negative sides, like what might happen. But you didn't mention that in your book as well.

14:18  
Oh, well, I was a mess. Don't tell I was not an enjoyable experience. I thought I was gonna have a nervous breakdown that week. But But here's what what for me is when I talk about being a why coach, my why is challenge and challenge people challenge the status quo. So for me, it's about in order for me to move forward, I have to challenge myself in a big way. It's not something that's fun. Let me tell you if I could do it very easily. As matter of fact, I was reading a book this morning that said, you know, it's unfortunate that our society uses pain, to move through transformation instead of joy. And that was really profound. Because when we go through these difficult times, you know, we have to reach down deep as to what is here? What am I dealing with? Who am I going to become when I get to the other side? Joy doesn't bring us that for some reason as humans, you know, when everything is sunshine and roses, there's no reason to push ourselves out of our comfort zone. Hmm.

15:24  
Yeah, I agree. I agree. Actually, you know, what you mentioned to triggers before and and I find that I really want to ask about that, even though I did not have it in the script, I did not write it down. But I found it really, really interesting. Being a former productivity coach myself, previously, I used to work and I have a strong belief that just as we have those triggers, right, and negative triggers about something that that is probably an unresolved issue within us. The same as like you just said, why don't we focus on the joy, the good traits that we see in people and the the things that we admire about people the most are also the traits that we possess ourselves, funnily enough, but what I wanted to ask is about the process the journey, as you start knowing yourself, as you start digging in and doing the work, you start being triggered by things that you did not pay attention to before, and you start being passionate about things that you didn't necessarily even see before. And I can see it in myself, trying to stand against certain things that really do trigger me. And I don't think actually that they are something that are that is unresolved within me, is there a third kind of Avenue, as opposed to the, you know, to the good things and the triggers that have unresolved feelings, is there a third way that once we start doing the work, we, we get passionate about things that we would not have been passionate before? And what do you think it's that that's connected with?

16:49  
Well, what's interesting is I always say, you know, how many times do we say, oh, man, I worked on that. And here it is coming up, again. So everything comes in layers as we work on things. But we also have a purpose here. So when we spend all our time in the muck, and mire working on ourselves, and dealing with depression, and dealing with beating ourselves up and not loving ourselves, all of our energy is going into that. So as we work on ourselves, and remove that, that hamster wheel that we're on in, then suddenly, we are free to live in our purpose. And whatever that purchase is purposes. And that purpose may be related, I always tend to say that a lot of our purpose is related to a wound from our childhood that we resolved, because no one knows that greater than you. There's something that happened in your life that caused you to really be impacted in a big way. And you did a deep dive. And now you want to share that with the world. Right? And so I think about that is more about, the faster we move through our own stuff, the more the opportunity to step into our own truth, and allow ourselves to really be here to make a difference. And some people come into this world with bigger things like these boulders that they have to move in their life than others. And some people come in and really, I mean, I meet people who have had so much tragedy in your life, their life, I'm like, how are they still here. And then I meet other people who have had these incredibly beautiful life with perfect parents and, you know, support system throughout their life. We all have different purposes. So I always, I always say, and you said it perfectly. You can't admire it in someone else, unless you have it in yourself, right. So like, if I invite my or a podcaster, like you who's done their research and read actually read someone's book and has done their work to really want to get to know someone and bring their message out, versus someone who's just going through the motions, because they're, they're not passionate about it. They're just going through the motions to get, you know, just, you know, ticking off a box, right? So we all do things in a different way. That brings us into that. You know, that thing that brings us that purpose, and when you know your why it helps us get further into our purpose and know that we are in alignment with who we are.

19:31  
Wow, wow. I've actually as you've been talking, I've had several epiphanies in my own journey, because that's what I've been wondering about. I'm very passionate about everything that I do. I believe that we we are not here to just show up and do things halfway or one quarter of a way or just like a set to tick off that box. Right. It's it's about creating a change a profound change, which leads me II to my own clients. Oftentimes when people come to me, and they have this powerful message, they have something that would disrupt other people's thoughts, right, they do discover that why they do discover that reason why they are here, more often than not, they are very triggering to other people, because they come out with information that is not necessarily the general truth or something that used to be perceived as normal. And you've got this great paragraph in your book that speaks of the societal anger of the people that do not feel that they themselves are able to go out and spread their own truth and their own message. And therefore, they're actually angry with people that do. And I wanted to ask, What do you believe is the path that we as leaders should be going through, in order to first of all, understand the power of understand what we're doing here, but also how to deal with with this anger, how to deal with the push backs that we usually encounter, and just stay on the path of leading other people at the same time.

21:06  
Some one of my favourite sayings is what you think of me as none of my business. But words do hurt, right? So if I'm neutral about something that someone says to me, then I can just observe. If someone says something, to me, that has emotional impact that tells me I have unresolved trauma around that or unresolved beliefs around it. Right? So someone starts to say to me, I don't believe in what you do, and you're, you know, you're, you know, making this up, and it's not true, and where are your credentials? You're not a licenced mental health practitioner. And I'd be like, okay, then go to one. I know that I went, when I had a breakdown, I went to conventional therapy three times a week, and nothing was helping me. And these are techniques that helped me, and I decided to become the person I was looking for 20 years ago. But I own that, if I didn't own that, and if I were in a place where I were insecure about my skills, if I didn't completely believe in who I am, if someone said something to me, and said I was a fraud, then I might believe it. And then I go down this rabbit hole, and then I'm angry. Right? Another thing. So there's, there's very simple tools that you can release these belief systems quickly. You don't have to carry these for long periods of time. There's the Sedona Method, which is also known as the emotional release method. And you're releasing these and you can see people transform and reframe how's that they see the world in a very short period of time and sometimes one session, and it's extraordinary to witness. The other thing that I find is really powerful is forgiveness. And forgiveness is one of the single greatest things that you can do for yourself and others. And, and this was my own journey, where I had studied about a couple years ago, where someone started talking about something called the Ho'oponopono, which is an ancient Hawaiian prayer. Dr. Joe Vitale talks about it in his book zero limits, where this Dr. Hew Len was asked to be a therapist in a prison for the criminally insane and they had so much attrition, they couldn't keep the any of the people the guards or therapists there. He said he would take the position on the on the count that he wouldn't see any clients he just got their their files, and he would pray over them. The prison system was so desperate to have a therapist that they finally agreed and hired him within a short period of time the entire area that criminally insane that the prison of criminally insane emptied out people either went to mental health professional and well mental health facility or they were went back into the prison system. And what did he do? He prayed and forgave. He forgave the part of them. This is the how we are all connected. I use the that prayer. I used it for myself, because I made a list of all the things that were in my way, all the beliefs that I had about myself, and I released them. But that wasn't enough. I had to forgive myself for believing those things about myself and the people who were triggering me. And once I did that, the title of my book came. The book poured out of me in five months, and it was a best seller six months after I started writing. It was extraordinary. And I always say miracles will happen and I can't guarantee that will happen. Every one, but what I will say is, I started doing that prayer and someone who I hadn't spoken to in 14 years out of the blue three months after doing that prayer daily, called me and said, I miss you, I want you back in my life, how can we make this happen? Wow. And the only thing that had changed was that prayer. So I invite people, you know, if you're very linear thinking, and this is really hard for you to wrap your brain around, I can't explain how this works. I always ask people to just trust and surrender to the process and give it a try.

25:40  
And if anything, because I can contest actually, I've done Ho'oponopono myself, you're going to feel better. At the end of the day, you're going to feel better. And I think what is the most important thing for us to understand this? Like you said, it's not about what people say to us. It's about the feelings that you associate with what they said, right? It's your response, rather than than what they actually said. So we're always going to encounter people that are going to be unhappy, not everybody's going to love us. And not everybody is meant to love us, as well. But yeah, I believe that that those are some solid, very good tools and forgiveness, I think, if not, if nothing else, is going to make us feel better about ourselves and a situation. So thank you for that.

26:25  
Oh, you're welcome. I am

26:28  
I wanted to come back to the skills, I wanted to come back to the skills. I actually am of the belief that we are all blessed with certain skills, or we are stronger in certain aspects of our lives, and weaker in others. And I was really pleased to read inside of the book, where you've been talking about different types of intelligence that we all possess. But I wanted to know, how much do you think of the success and let's let's not define success, because it's obviously different for everybody else. But conventional success that we might think of how much of it you think are the skills itself, something that our natural gifts I think that we are born with, and how much of it is persistence, learning, and the hard work that we need to be doing along the way,

27:19  
it's both. And I will tell you, as a child, I was painfully insecure, very shy, I really struggled. I gave my I had undiagnosed learning disabilities as a child, so I was giving my power away to everyone thinking that everyone else was smarter than me spent every summer in summer school. So I had to work through that. And when I did, what I realised because I knew that desperate place of not knowing who I was at all, and not believing that I had a voice to becoming a professional speaker. I mean, are, you know, I wasn't born with that, or maybe it was, but I had to overcome so much to get there. And for those of you who want to be a professional speaker, I joined Toastmasters. And I literally would go to Toastmasters, which is an international speaking training programme. It's, it's amazing, and they're very each one is different. So check out a bunch. They all have different personalities. But the one that I belong to had a lot of professional speakers in it. And I remember when I went the first time, I had to do five to seven minutes in front of everyone, just doing an introduction, I was terrified. I practised over and over and over again in front of the mirror. And then suddenly, someone gave me an opportunity to do a talk that was 45 minutes long. And I was like, shook, shook in my butt. But the more I did it, it's the reps. It's the you know, it's like going to the gym and doing the reps and practising. And it was a passion of mine, because I knew that there were other people who had been depressed and felt worthless like I had, and and that I had the ability to help them. And the only way that I was going to do that was I had to get my message out. So I didn't have a choice in the matter. If I wanted to help people.

29:22  
That Talk is actually the next thing that I wanted to touch upon. Because a lot of times, yes, we are doing the right things. We are honing in on those skills we are doing to work, but the confidence doesn't come immediately does it? And I found it really interesting when I read your story about your first public speaking assignment and how your perception of that situation was completely different to what actually happened and I think it would be very valuable for our listeners to know that story because so many times we may believe that things are a certain way. And we let go, we don't pursue those talents, those skills or even that purpose that we have, just because of those perceptions in our head. Could you speak a little bit onto that?